When I first started this website, I didn't realize half of my blog posts would be about having depression.
I suppose I should have known, considering how big a part it's played in my life for the last five years. But I never considered it.
Yet, here I am. Writing another post about depression.
Things have been harder lately. Every day, I can feel myself getting darker and it's hard to fight. It feels like I'm drowning and there is an anchor pulling me down.
One of the hardest parts is that I know being creative, using my imagination, helps me. It makes me feel better. I am certain that, if I spent more time editing photos, writing, and making jewelry, I would be happier. The problem is that the depression makes me not want to do those things.
Every single moment of every single day, I have to fight myself to get up, do things, and be a person. It's exhausting, but I usually win that fight. Lately, I've been losing more often. I spend most of the time that I'm not at work laying around, not doing much of anything. I don't enjoy it and I know that it's making me feel worse. I just can't seem to make myself do anything else.
That's the reason why I decided to write this post. My hope is, by publicly saying that I'm going to work harder to feel better, I might motivate myself to actually do it. I need to get back to doing the things I love and spending time with the people that make me happy.
Its going to be difficult to get going again. The more time I spend losing the battle, the harder it is to turn things around, but I haven't lost hope yet. No matter what happens, I've never lost hope in my future.
I know for a fact that life can be better than this. My life can be better than what it is now. All I have to do is fight for it.